The most dangerous lie we tell ourselves isn’t “I can’t do it.”
It’s: “I can do it… if only I had what they have.”
I was reminded of this truth one morning in an Uber.
The speaker sitting next to me vented about his career struggles. “If I could just get a bureau like so-and-so, I could finally build traction,” he said. He believed the only thing missing was someone else stepping in to open the door.
I smiled because I’d been there too.
In the early years of Compete Every Day, I watched other entrepreneurs raise capital while I scraped by. At expos, competitors built elaborate booths with lights and banners.
Me?
A 10x10 canopy tent and racks I’d cobbled together. I even turned down a terrible deal - half the company for a small check - before realizing I’d have to go without.
It was frustrating. I knew I could do more if I just had more cash. But looking back, I’m grateful I didn’t take the shortcut.
Bootstrapping forced me to learn lessons that bigger checks would have only hidden.
Years later, starting my speaking career, I fell into the same trap: “If only I had a bureau, then I could grow.” I didn’t know how the business worked. I thought if someone else booked me, success would follow. But I eventually realized bureaus don’t want you unless you already have business.
If it was going to happen, it was up to me.
So I stopped waiting. I hired coaches, learned sales systems, and built it myself. Four years later, I finally worked with a bureau - only because their client specifically requested me.
That’s when it clicked: no one was coming to save me. If I wanted to win, I had to prove I could do it without their help.
The Real Reason We Wait
Many of us waste years convincing ourselves we’re one magical moment away from success. One bureau away from a speaking career. One investor away from scaling. One lucky break away from changing our lives.
But here’s the hard truth: you’re not waiting for opportunity. You’re waiting for permission.
And waiting feels safe.
Psychology Today calls this learned helplessness - when people stop trying to change their circumstances, even though they can. It’s easier to believe outside forces control our outcomes than to face the reality that responsibility rests on us.
Studies show procrastination isn’t laziness - it’s failed self-regulation.
Harvard Business Review reports that over 70% of entrepreneurs admit fear of failure has held them back. Combine fear with the fantasy of a “lucky break,” and it’s no wonder we stall.
But what if perfect conditions never come?
The Competition Is in the Mirror
Here’s what changed everything for me: I stopped asking “What if I had their advantages?” and started asking, “What if I just won without them?”
What if you lost the weight without the fancy gym?
What if you grew your client base without 100,000 followers?
What if you proved you could win even when every call went against you?
This isn’t about rejecting help. Partnerships and opportunities are incredible - if you’re ready for them.
But too many Competitors never get ready, because they spend all their energy waiting.
About 10% of people, research shows, refuse to give in to helpless thinking. They believe they can control their outcomes, no matter what.
What if you decided to join them?
The “Do It Without Them” Mindset
- Define Your Game Clearly: Stop chasing the appearance of success. Write down your real scoreboard - revenue growth, client retention, freedom of time. Play your game, not theirs.
- Play the Hand You’ve Got: Maximize what’s in your control. No budget? Use sweat equity. Small network? Start adding value. Less experience? Outwork and outlearn the competition.
- Stack Small Wins Relentlessly: Momentum isn’t built on a lucky break. It’s the extra sales call, the imperfect post, the tough conversation. Small wins compound into big results.
- Make Your Disadvantages Your Edge: What looks like a setback can actually sharpen your skills. Tom Brady and Joe Montana weren’t the most talented quarterbacks - they were the hungriest. Your limits can become your leverage.
- Eliminate the “If Only” Excuse: Every time you say “If only I had…,” finish with “but I can still…” and list three actions you can take today. No excuses.
Your Next Move
Right now, there’s something you’ve been putting off, waiting for the “perfect” conditions.
What if you just did it anyway?
What if you built the business without the investor? Grew the pipeline without the brand clout? Proved you could win even when the calls go against you?
Waiting is easy - it lets you off the hook. But Competitors don’t wait. They prove.
So stop waiting for the lucky break. Stop waiting for someone to notice. Stop waiting for help.
Decide to win without it.
Because once you prove you can win without their help, you’ll be unstoppable when help finally does arrive.
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Competitive Reflection
What’s the one area of your life where you’ve been waiting for help - and how would things change if you decided to move forward without it today?
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