The success that would destroy me

EVERY DAY COUNTS.

Compete to win yours.

I was 35,000 feet above Denver when I realized I was being an idiot.

I'd just spent the last 20 minutes scrolling through another speaker's Instagram, watching him post about "crushing" some arena event. Thirty-plus comments. Over 100 likes. The whole nine yards.

My brain immediately went where yours probably would: Why don't I have arena events? What am I doing wrong? I'm falling behind.

For the next hour, I sat there beating myself up over not having something I didn't even want.

See, if I'm honest, that specific speaker's business model isn't the one I want to build. That one specific stage he's on looks fun, but a lot of the other things he has going on don't sound fun to me. His "success" would actually feel like failure to me.

But there I was, 35,000 feet up, playing a game I never signed up for.

Most Leaders Are Competing in the Wrong Arena

Here's what I've learned working with executives, entrepreneurs, and high-performers: most of us are burning out not because we're working too hard, but because we're working toward someone else's definition of success.

We see a colleague get promoted and immediately question our own career trajectory. We watch a competitor launch a new product and panic about our market position. We scroll through LinkedIn and feel inadequate because someone else's quarter looked better than ours.

The problem isn't ambition. It's clarity.

Competition begins with knowing exactly what game you're playing.

This is why the first step in our COMPETE framework focuses on one critical question: What is my game?

Not your industry's game. Not your competitor's game. Not the game your parents wanted you to play or the one social media says you should be winning.

Your game.

The Hidden Cost of Playing Someone Else's Game

When you compete in an arena you never chose, three things happen:

1. Energy depletion without progress. You're working harder but moving sideways. Every win feels hollow because it doesn't align with what you actually value.

2. Constant comparison instead of competition. You measure success by how you stack up against others rather than how you're progressing toward your own goals.

3. Decision-making gets hijacked. Every choice becomes reactive - based on what others are doing rather than what moves you closer to your authentic vision.

I see this constantly with the leaders I work with. The CEO who builds a company culture he hates because it mirrors his "successful" competitor. The sales director who chases metrics that don't matter because they're published in industry reports. The executive who burns out pursuing someone else's version of work-life balance.

They're all competing. They're just competing in the wrong game.

The Competitive Advantage of Choosing Your Arena

Elite performers understand something the rest of us miss: the power to define your own game is the ultimate competitive advantage.

While everyone else plays by inherited rules - from their industry, their peers, or their past - top performers quietly design competitions that align perfectly with their strengths and values.

This isn't selfish. It's strategic.

When you compete in your chosen arena:

Your energy multiplies instead of depletes
Decisions become clearer because you know how points are scored
"Wins" actually feel like victories because they align with your values
You stop comparing and start competing

Your Daily Game Clarification

Here's what changed everything for me, and what I teach every leader I work with:

Before you check your phone, before you read industry news, before you start reacting to what everyone else is doing, ask yourself these four questions:

1. What specific game am I playing today? Not this quarter, not this year. Today. Is it building deeper client relationships? Developing my team? Improving operations? Be specific.

2. Who is my real competition? Usually, it's not your obvious competitors. It's your own inconsistency, your limiting beliefs, or yesterday's version of yourself.

3. How do I score points in this game? What actions move the needle? What metrics actually matter? Focus on inputs you control, not outcomes you don't.

4. Why does winning this game matter to me personally? Connect today's work to your deeper values. When you know why your game matters, you stop caring about games that don't.

Back to that airplane ride...

After that hour of self-inflicted comparison, I forced myself through these questions.

What I realized is that it may look on the surface we're both playing the same game as professional speakers, but we're really not. My goals are not his goals and his game is not my game.

Both games are valid. They're just not the same game.

The moment I clarified this, the comparison started to evaporate. His success became interesting rather than threatening. His strategy became something to study, not something to copy.

I stopped competing with him and started competing with yesterday's version of myself.

Your Competitive Choice

Every day, you face what I call "The Competitor's Choice": Will you compete in your chosen game, or will you drift into someone else's arena?

Most people drift. They react to industry trends, chase competitor moves, and wonder why they feel exhausted despite working harder than ever.

Competitors choose. They clarify their game daily, focus their energy on their chosen arena, and build momentum toward goals that actually matter to them.

The question isn't whether you'll compete today - you will. The question is:

Will you compete in your game or someone else's?

Choose your arena. Define your rules. Score your own points.

Because the only game you can actually win is the one you're meant to play.

I'm cheering for you, Reader,

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