It was the most uncomfortable conversation of my career.
"Your actions don't match the person you claim you want to be. Something has to change."
It was 2007 when my roommate walked in on me sitting on our coffee table, playing Guitar Hero, and taking shots from a large bottle of vodka.
The look on his face said everything.
He sat down beside me and simply said: "I'll play this game with you tonight, but tomorrow we're going to talk about this. Because this is not who you say you want to be."
I was at rock bottom.
Fresh off being cheated on someone I was in love with. Questioning my career path after realizing my 'dream job' actually wasn't. Drinking nightly to mask my pain.
But the next morning, we had that promised conversation.
No judgment. No lecture. Just truth.
He told me that who I said I wanted to be and the goals I said I wanted to achieve weren't in alignment with the actions I was taking every day.
I needed to change the future I told others I was creating or I needed to change today's actions.
Those words changed my life.
The Brutal Truth
You will never significantly outperform your social circle over the long term.
Stanford researchers found we inevitably adopt the habits, attitudes, and even ambitions of our five closest connections. It's not motivationโit's math.
You might surge ahead temporarily through sheer willpower, but gravity always wins. Your environment creates your baseline.
My roommate understood something I didn't: who I said I wanted to be wasn't aligned with the company I was keeping - including the company I was keeping with myself in that dark moment.
Most people dramatically underestimate how much their environment shapes their ceiling. They focus on individual discipline while ignoring the social forces pulling them backward every single day.
The Competitor's Advantage
This is the "E" in our C.O.M.P.E.T.E. framework: Environment.
Competitors understand that your surroundings aren't something that happens to you - they're something you actively design.
Here's what separates them from everyone else: They audit their environment with the same rigor they'd analyze their workout program or business strategy.
The question isn't whether your environment influences you. The question is whether you're choosing that influence intentionally.
The Hardest Part No One Talks About
Sometimes outgrowing certain relationships is necessary for your growth.
This doesn't mean burning bridges. It means making conscious decisions about how and where you invest your limited time and energy.
The most successful people I know have all made difficult choices about friendships, professional relationships, and even family dynamics that kept them tethered to old versions of themselves.
These aren't easy conversations. But Competitors understand: Your environment isn't just where you are - it's who you become because of it.
Today's Move ๐ฏ
Do the 5-Person Audit right now:
Pull out your phone. Look at your recent calls and texts. Who are the five people you communicate with most often?
Ask yourself one simple question about each person: "Do they raise my standards or lower my expectations?"
Write down your honest answers. Don't judge what you discover - just acknowledge the reality.
That's it. No dramatic changes required today. Just awareness.
The Challenge ๐ค
What relationship in your life right now might be keeping you tethered to an older, smaller version of yourself?
You don't have to answer me, but you do need to answer yourself.
Your future self is shaped by the company you keep today.
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I'm cheering for you, Reader,
P.S. That roommate? He's still one of my closest friends today. Sometimes, the most uncomfortable conversations create the most valuable relationships. Have you had yours yet?
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Want help improving your environment? Consider connecting & leveling up with other leaders in our group Cohort here.